Sleepless in Happy Valley

Affording no sleep, I stumbled into the living room. Curled up on the oh so comfortable couch with my head nestled between the rather large couch pillows and the many furry blankets.

3am and I are great friends. We meet up way more often than I would like.

Having way too many fears swirling around in my head of all the 'what if 's' that can and do happen.

However, also echoing in my head and whispering on my lips was the verse...Proverbs 3:5&6.

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

That's a tall order there.

Amiright?

Trust. A firm belief in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Ok, I'm on board with that. I have a firm belief in the Lord.

Rely. To depend on with full trust or confidence.

Check, there's that trust word in the very definition of rely...

Confidently. To do something with assurance or fearlessness.

Let's be honest here.
Fearlessness is a word that does not define me.
At any given moment I can give you a long list of things I am fearful of.

On the Lord with all your heart.

Another tall order.

All? Yes, ALL.

Ok. All.

Do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

See this is where my fearfulness comes in.
Our insight and understanding is what we have to make sense of this crazy world we live in.
But at the same time, this crazy world we live in makes me fearful and my limited insight and understanding is perhaps a fuzzy perception of reality.

Gently, being held like a baby being rocked back to sleep by her daddy, I quietly repeat over and over the soothing words that comfort me.

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

I often have to be reminded of this. 

Often. 

At 3am. 

I used to get so annoyed and frustrated that like clockwork, I would wake up to cold, spooky darkness. Stressing about life events. Worrying myself to actual sickness. 

Clearly, I still wake up during the inky blackness of the night, or morning I guess to be more accurate. 

But now, I delight, well delight as much as I can at that time of day. 

Trust me, I'm not that delightful, 3am or otherwise. 

But, the Creator of the universe is waking me! Desiring to spend time with me! Reminding me that I don't need to carry the weight of the world on my very weak shoulders. That I was never intended to carry any of this. 

So grateful I can trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all my heart. That I don't ever have to rely on my own insight or understanding.