It Is well, with my soul

Unable to sleep any longer, I arose at the actual "crack of dawn"....there was the faintest bit of light peeking over the trees. I found myself once again in a familiar spot of grieving the loss of my last living parent. 

Looking out the window and  processing the events of the previous day, where I held, for the last time, my sweet daddy's hand and watched as he took his last breath. 

Waiting for my coffee to brew and gathering my thoughts about the near future, I felt small warm eyes watching me...peering in at me through the window.This little feathered friend was keenly aware of my every movement.

Moving about the kitchen almost in a trance of deep thought and emotion I did however notice how this little fella kept dancing up and down the deck railing, almost to keep an eye on me it seemed. He was very curious about me, cocking his head this way and that to get a better glimpse of me and my actions. He didn't however seem fearful of the sneaky four legged feline watching him from the shadows of the outdoor furniture. 

In the moments of smelling the fresh coffee brewing and hearing the clank of the glassware, I was transported back to the fondest of childhood memories. Waking to the smell of bacon and coffee was the signal that dad was up and cooking Saturday morning breakfast...I however, did not have bacon this morning....my memories were flooded with hearing my dad greet my mom with her morning coffee while she lay in bed. The mixture of his shaving cream and after shave, freshly brewed coffee and crisp bacon mixed with the crackling fire sounds and smells were my comfort food. All of this mixed with Saturday morning cartoons make for some fond memories.

Collecting my thoughts and protecting my coffee from being contaminated by salty tears, I disappeared into my bedroom to retreat back into bed. However, my husband was so cocooned in the blankets and sleeping so soundly I didn't have the heart to wake him. For he had endured many sleepless nights by my side holding me up, being my rock and beacon to follow back home.

Longing for the warmth that penetrates through to my bones I decide to dawn my closest swimsuit and head for our hot tub. This is my favorite sanctuary to retreat to. All my cares seem to melt away, for awhile at least.
This is where my husband and I solve all the worlds problems...ok, perhaps not all the worlds problems, but at least all of our problems.

Taking my now empty mug for a refill, I pass through the kitchen, noticing my feathered friend, a little closer now, perched on the window box right outside my sink. I smiled at the little bird remembering how fond my parents were of birds and how they enjoyed watching the swallows make nests right outside their kitchen window.

Thanking God for a dry morning and a hot tub just steps from my door, I notice how this little guy has now hopped over to a tree just beyond the tub. Funny little bird, interesting why it is so intrigued  by me. I proceed to open the lid of our hot tub...you see this lid takes a strong arm to lift for it is so water logged from many years weathering the rain and protecting our problem solving water.

I open the tub with the usual "bang" the lid that makes. Our neighbor takes cover every time he hears it, recalling how he says it reminds him of the familiar sounds of bombs from the war zones he encountered from his past. Hopefully he was still sawing logs in bed today.

Surprised to notice how even the bomb sounding lid didn't scare off my new friend. I begin to take notice of him more, talking to him now. I wonder if he is sent from heaven...now I don't believe this is my dad, reincarnated or anything of the sort. Intrigued, nonetheless. He pranced back and forth almost dancing, as if telling a story.

Fully knowing my God is an awesome God, capable of speaking to me through his creation, I engage in conversation with my new found friend. Tears streaming down my face I pour my heart out, praising God for the comfort and dependence he allows of me. I know my direction and path laid before me. I know I will be sustained by the giver of life, for he knows the very day we will each take our last breath.

Our quiet little valley is now waking with familiar sights and sounds. Knowing I must
re-engage and exit the warmth of the hot tub to embrace another day of decision making and planning, I one last time take notice of my little feathered friend. Deciding now that he is not afraid of me, and perhaps will not be scared off if I sing a song to him, I quietly sing a favorite hymn ....

it is well ......with my soul....it is well, it is well, with my soul....

After that he was off...I like to think he was in a rush to get back to heaven to relay my message that it is well, it is well, with my soul.

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you."
Job 12:7