120 Grit on his face

When my last child entered kindergarten 13 years ago, I celebrated by going out to breakfast with girlfriends.

Some moms really grieve this stage, but for me, I welcomed getting to run errands without being on a nap schedule and little fingers grabbing everything within reach.

When he was promoted from elementary school I embraced his coming adolescent years with anticipation. 

I figured if I could survive two teenage daughters, then I would be skilled enough to handle a teenage son as well.

His entrance to high school was a milestone that marked the beginning of his last four years of his high school career.

This is an exciting time for a young man.

Dances.
Dating.
Driving.

Ugh, I remember my stomach doing a flip flop at the sound of the dreaded 3 d's.

Each of those have their own set of excitement and fears all wrapped up together.

However, I have walked this road before.

Twice. 

So I think I would have a handle on what to expect right?

Nope.

Boys are a different animal all together.

It seems that one evening I tucked into bed my sweet little bear cub, smelling fresh from his evening bubble bath.

And woke up to a showered, cologne smelling full grown grizzly bear.

He has the scratchy 120 grit on his face to prove it.

This, I was not prepared for.

This, I grieved.

His soft little face would snuggle up to mine.
His small hands and arms he would wrap around my neck and squeeze me tight, promising me that he would never grow up because he loved being a kid so much.

He lied.

He keeps growing.
Up. 
And up. 
And up. 

Now have to raise my head in an upward direction just to see his bearded face.

His voice changed from a high pitched boy, often confused for with his sisters.
To a man, now confused with his dad...this he loved. 

I was often startled by the sound of a strange man in my home, only to find the shadow of what was once my little boy.

His love of Lego's, tractors, air soft and B.B. guns graduated to X box, real guns, cars and girls.

The bittersweet joys and heartache of growing up kiddos. 

Watching my child have one foot solidly planted in childhood and one foot stretching his toes into the shaky ground of adulthood.

Beaming with pride!
First try and no shaving accidents with little spots of tissue stuck to his face. 

I know, love at first sight. 

That's what I said too.

Unto us a child is born

Sleepless in Happy Valley

Affording no sleep, I stumbled into the living room. Curled up on the oh so comfortable couch with my head nestled between the rather large couch pillows and the many furry blankets.

3am and I are great friends. We meet up way more often than I would like.

Having way too many fears swirling around in my head of all the 'what if 's' that can and do happen.

However, also echoing in my head and whispering on my lips was the verse...Proverbs 3:5&6.

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

That's a tall order there.

Amiright?

Trust. A firm belief in the character, strength, or truth of someone or something.

Ok, I'm on board with that. I have a firm belief in the Lord.

Rely. To depend on with full trust or confidence.

Check, there's that trust word in the very definition of rely...

Confidently. To do something with assurance or fearlessness.

Let's be honest here.
Fearlessness is a word that does not define me.
At any given moment I can give you a long list of things I am fearful of.

On the Lord with all your heart.

Another tall order.

All? Yes, ALL.

Ok. All.

Do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

See this is where my fearfulness comes in.
Our insight and understanding is what we have to make sense of this crazy world we live in.
But at the same time, this crazy world we live in makes me fearful and my limited insight and understanding is perhaps a fuzzy perception of reality.

Gently, being held like a baby being rocked back to sleep by her daddy, I quietly repeat over and over the soothing words that comfort me.

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

I often have to be reminded of this. 

Often. 

At 3am. 

I used to get so annoyed and frustrated that like clockwork, I would wake up to cold, spooky darkness. Stressing about life events. Worrying myself to actual sickness. 

Clearly, I still wake up during the inky blackness of the night, or morning I guess to be more accurate. 

But now, I delight, well delight as much as I can at that time of day. 

Trust me, I'm not that delightful, 3am or otherwise. 

But, the Creator of the universe is waking me! Desiring to spend time with me! Reminding me that I don't need to carry the weight of the world on my very weak shoulders. That I was never intended to carry any of this. 

So grateful I can trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all my heart. That I don't ever have to rely on my own insight or understanding.

Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree

Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, oh how we love thee! 

Lights, ornaments, beverages and a beloved dog. 
You can't get much better than that.

Gingerflakes

Gingerbread cookies, well, technically they are more like molasses heaven. 
Is there such a place? 
If so, I'm on the next plane there.  

They are soft and so scrumptious. 
If you sprinkle sanding sugar on the wet Royal Icing, it looks like real snowflakes!  
We don't have snow yet so the sugary sweet kind will have to do. 
It's tastes better than real snow too. 

Cinnamon spice and everything nice. 
That's what these ginger flakes are made of!

Ginger Flakes
Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Ingredients:

1/2 cup butter at room temperature
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup molasses (the full flavor kind)
1 egg
Mix all of these ingredients together.

In large bowl mix together:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 tsp. allspice
Add all of this to the above mixture.

On a very lightly floured surface roll out cookies to about 1/4" thickness. 
Cut desired shapes and transfer to a Silpat or greased cookie sheet. 
These will not spread out and lose their shape. 
Bake 8-12. minutes. Let cool on pan for 5 minutes.
If you like them soft, bake about 8-9 minutes. 
This is the very best way. 
In my opinion. 
Crispy cookies, bake about 10-12 minutes. 
Burned; cook until rock solid. 
I don't recommend this. 
I may have tried this method, just to have an opinion.

Either way, let them cool completely before frosting.


Royal Icing

Ingredients: 

2 pounds (one bag) Powdered sugar
5 Tablespoons Meringue Powder
2-3 Teaspoons Almond extract
1/2-3/4 cups warm water

Instructions: 

Stir the flavor into the warm water. 
Gently mix the sugar and the meringue powder together. 
With the mixer on low, slowly add the water to the dry ingredients.
It will become thick. 
Continue adding the water until it reaches a thick molasses consistency. 
Whip on medium speed for a few more minutes until thick and fluffy and forms a 
soft peak. 

Spoon into a piping bag fitted with a fine point tip. I used number 2. 
Pipe the decorations you like on your cookies.  
Sprinkle the sanding sugar on while the icing is still wet. 

21 years ago

21 years ago...this precious little darlin' was born all snugly and cuddly. She had the most delicious smell. I never tired of drinking in her newborness.

Expect at 3am. 
I could have done without the wee morning wake times. 

Almost everything was done in a swimsuit. Why wear clothes when a swimsuit is appropriate attire for most places. 

Except school. 
And church. 
And the grocery store. 

Unless you are sneaky and wear them under your clothes just in case you have the opportunity to swim. 

I have a goal to one day open my birthday gifts in my bikini too.
That is if I owned a bikini. 
Which I don't. 
Ok, so much for that goal. 

This little middle owns my heart. 
And every animal along the way. 
Every animal. 

Cats, dogs, cats, horses, cats, turtles, cats, hamsters, oh and did I mention she likes cats?  
Ok, maybe not every animal, but perhaps every cat. 
Or, just a couple cats, but she would own every cat if she had her crazy cat lady tendencies fulfilled.

And then, little middle, became an adult. 

She has the graduation cap to prove it. 
And the diploma. 
And the college debt

21 years has flown by. 
Just like that big jet plane that took her away too. 

But, also brought her back and made me a very happy mama. 
Cheers!

It Is well, with my soul

Unable to sleep any longer, I arose at the actual "crack of dawn"....there was the faintest bit of light peeking over the trees. I found myself once again in a familiar spot of grieving the loss of my last living parent. 

Looking out the window and  processing the events of the previous day, where I held, for the last time, my sweet daddy's hand and watched as he took his last breath. 

Waiting for my coffee to brew and gathering my thoughts about the near future, I felt small warm eyes watching me...peering in at me through the window.This little feathered friend was keenly aware of my every movement.

Moving about the kitchen almost in a trance of deep thought and emotion I did however notice how this little fella kept dancing up and down the deck railing, almost to keep an eye on me it seemed. He was very curious about me, cocking his head this way and that to get a better glimpse of me and my actions. He didn't however seem fearful of the sneaky four legged feline watching him from the shadows of the outdoor furniture. 

In the moments of smelling the fresh coffee brewing and hearing the clank of the glassware, I was transported back to the fondest of childhood memories. Waking to the smell of bacon and coffee was the signal that dad was up and cooking Saturday morning breakfast...I however, did not have bacon this morning....my memories were flooded with hearing my dad greet my mom with her morning coffee while she lay in bed. The mixture of his shaving cream and after shave, freshly brewed coffee and crisp bacon mixed with the crackling fire sounds and smells were my comfort food. All of this mixed with Saturday morning cartoons make for some fond memories.

Collecting my thoughts and protecting my coffee from being contaminated by salty tears, I disappeared into my bedroom to retreat back into bed. However, my husband was so cocooned in the blankets and sleeping so soundly I didn't have the heart to wake him. For he had endured many sleepless nights by my side holding me up, being my rock and beacon to follow back home.

Longing for the warmth that penetrates through to my bones I decide to dawn my closest swimsuit and head for our hot tub. This is my favorite sanctuary to retreat to. All my cares seem to melt away, for awhile at least.
This is where my husband and I solve all the worlds problems...ok, perhaps not all the worlds problems, but at least all of our problems.

Taking my now empty mug for a refill, I pass through the kitchen, noticing my feathered friend, a little closer now, perched on the window box right outside my sink. I smiled at the little bird remembering how fond my parents were of birds and how they enjoyed watching the swallows make nests right outside their kitchen window.

Thanking God for a dry morning and a hot tub just steps from my door, I notice how this little guy has now hopped over to a tree just beyond the tub. Funny little bird, interesting why it is so intrigued  by me. I proceed to open the lid of our hot tub...you see this lid takes a strong arm to lift for it is so water logged from many years weathering the rain and protecting our problem solving water.

I open the tub with the usual "bang" the lid that makes. Our neighbor takes cover every time he hears it, recalling how he says it reminds him of the familiar sounds of bombs from the war zones he encountered from his past. Hopefully he was still sawing logs in bed today.

Surprised to notice how even the bomb sounding lid didn't scare off my new friend. I begin to take notice of him more, talking to him now. I wonder if he is sent from heaven...now I don't believe this is my dad, reincarnated or anything of the sort. Intrigued, nonetheless. He pranced back and forth almost dancing, as if telling a story.

Fully knowing my God is an awesome God, capable of speaking to me through his creation, I engage in conversation with my new found friend. Tears streaming down my face I pour my heart out, praising God for the comfort and dependence he allows of me. I know my direction and path laid before me. I know I will be sustained by the giver of life, for he knows the very day we will each take our last breath.

Our quiet little valley is now waking with familiar sights and sounds. Knowing I must
re-engage and exit the warmth of the hot tub to embrace another day of decision making and planning, I one last time take notice of my little feathered friend. Deciding now that he is not afraid of me, and perhaps will not be scared off if I sing a song to him, I quietly sing a favorite hymn ....

it is well ......with my soul....it is well, it is well, with my soul....

After that he was off...I like to think he was in a rush to get back to heaven to relay my message that it is well, it is well, with my soul.

“But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you."
Job 12:7

Giving thanks

Thanksgiving, this holiday ranks right up there with all my other favorite holidays. I don't really have a favorite though, they're all good!
Thanksgiving always brings back warm memories and yummy smells from childhood. 

My mom would "dress" the turkey very early Thanksgiving morning. 
I'm sure she cooked that poor bird for days!

Before she would stuff him, she always did a formal introduction that always made me giggle. 
She would shake his leg and introduce herself; 
"Hello Tom, I'm Dolly. Please pardon me as I stuff your insides with goodness. I'm going to make you very tasty!" 
She just couldn't get so personal without proper introductions! 

I've since tried doing the formal introduction with my turkey. 

All went well until my darling daughter declared that she couldn't eat a bird that I personalized with a name and introduction!

Well, I guess she gets Thanksgiving Tacos and we get the bird! 
Ha, that sounds like someone actually flipped us "the bird!"
No bird flippin, just ,moist, juicy, tender, aromatic, tasty turkey.

Here's to a tasty Tom bird, pumpkin pie with lots of whipped cream and a nap in front of the fire!

We have added the annual tradition in our family of voicing what we are thankful for each year. 

Here are a few precious ones of my own: 

Mobile hotspot

In this journey of life, I'm finding myself quickly approaching the half century mark.
The big 5-0 is looming on the near horizon.
It feels like I'm picking up speed to reach that goal on a daily basis.

Considering the alternative, I'm ok with approaching that milestone.

That's right, I'm now entering that dreaded middle age.
Perhaps that is why I am always so warm.
Or, perhaps it's because, Ahhhmmm, I'm a mobile hotspot.

You heard me right.

A mobile hotspot.

You know that whole tethering thing.

Wikipedia wants us to think tethering has something to do with turning your smartphone into a mobile Wi-Fi hotspot sharing your phones data  connection.

Well, we mama's, we know a thing or two about tethering. 

For Pete's sake, we had a peanut sized baby literally tethered to us for 9 whole months. That turned into a toddler that was tethered to our legs in any new situation, that graduated to a youngster that was tethered to us dropping them off at grade school. Moving on into the teen years the tethering took on new definition as they were tethered to us in monetary ways that were somehow connected to the use of the family vehicle. 

Womanipedia defines the journey this way: 

Mobile HOTspot; A young woman who turns up the heat to attract a young man, therefore starting on her HOTspot journey. Accelerating forward she encounters her first tethering experience. Realizing this is a marathon not a sprint, 9 months later her HOTspot journey has her becoming mobile. Chasing her little darlin she decides to share her data connection and tether another littler peanut. Life zooms along at light speed. Before long she enters the last of her HOTspot years. She will experience flashes of heat and night sweats. Unexplained bouts of joy and sadness all at once. Then, thankfully for everyone, before you she knows it, the HOTspot years will be a fuzzy, distant memory. 

There you have it. 

The new improved version of a mobile HOTspot. 

Perhaps this middle aged thing won't be so bad after all. Clearly, many many women have gone before and survived. 
Their husbands, hopefully they survived this journey too! 

Falling in love with fall

Fall this year has been nothing short of dreamy. 

Chilly mornings.

Warm balmy days.  

The smell of a crackling fire. 

The billowy smoke coming from chimneys.

All the makings for the definition of dreamy. 

Until of course Halloween day. 

Downpour. 

Monsoon. 

Drenching rain. 

Did I feel a tidge bit guilty rejoicing in the fact we are now empty nesters and were not slopping through the soggy night?

Nope.

Really enjoyed the warm house, the hot dinner, the warm beverage. All while waiting for our one trick or treater. 

Now, what to do with all that leftover candy... 
This is exactly why I should not buy candy that I like, I now may become the new definition of plumpkin. 

A plumpkin stuffed with Tootsie Rolls. 

But, let's focus on the dreamy part of fall!