Excuse me, Ma'am...

Missing warm mama hugs. 

Wishing I could hear her say "good morning madame sunshine!" just one more time. 

Longing to purchase a mother's day gift. 

Hearing sweet greetings like "how's my darling daughter?"

Had I known each time I heard those sweet words would have been the last time, I would have savored them longer, perhaps even taped them to play back whenever I wanted. 

Gulp

Meet Alisse

If God sends angels, this is one of them.

Alisse filled a mom shaped hole in my heart from the day my sweet mama left this earth. 

She shared with me her life of loss. 

She has survived a husband and two daughters that she lost to cancer. 

She taught me of her reliance on God and how He carried her through those seasons. 

She empathized with my heartache from her own feelings of loss.

That day we shared stories and realized we filled a very unique place for each other. 

She proudly took the newly vacant spot and became my MAM. 

And in so doing, I became her DAD. 

Strange, I know. 

I've never been a dad, but being a daughter all of my life, I had a pretty good idea how to navigate my new role as her dad, daughter-away-from-daughter. 

My mam, she also had a good idea what her newly acquired dad would need in a mam, mom-away-from-mom. 

The day she walked in my office and out of the blue asked how her 'madame sunshine' was, well that day I knew what a gift she was to me!

Over my dead body

Has anyone ever willingly died for you? 
Nope, me either. 

Has anyone every willingly taken your place to pay a debt they didn't owe and pay for it with their life? 
I didn't think so, not for me either. 

That is so hard to wrap my simple little mind around but that is exactly what Jesus did.   

For me. 
For you.

In order to get to Easter, he first had to get through good Friday.  

Once we take Jesus as our Lord and Savior, he fills out the adoption papers and takes us as his own. The father to the fatherless. The lover of our souls. 

No one can snatch us out of his hands. I can picture him standing in front of his child, facing down the enemy in true "mama bear" fashion, declaring, OVER MY DEAD BODY will you touch my child.  

Literally, over his dead body. 

Come, bruised and breathless. Bring your searing pain and complete numbness. Open the door to your soul. 

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (Isaiah 40:29)

The blonde leading the blonde

Deciding to surprise my folks after a long trip away from home I came up with the idea to greet them with steaks on the barbecue, homemade bread, and a fresh cut lawn. 
Who wouldn't love that!  

With my husband out of town, I was on my own to accomplish the above tasks. 

Steaks on the BBQ...check!

Homemade bread...check!

Fresh cut lawn..........ummmm.... so this is where my first problem started.

I have watched my father, husband and son all cut grass, how hard can that be? They zip back and forth, empty the bag and keep going until it is park like. 

Entering the garage I realize the push mower I have watched my men use is very different then the ride on one my dad used.

It is ride on so it must be easier right? 
Kinda like driving a car? 
Must be! 

So, how to start it..... 

Vowing I can do this without calling for help I climb all over John...Oh, Deere....Ummm...That would be John Deere! 
A John Deere must be better than a Dear John....

Searching the garage over I finally have to call someone to locate the key. Then I can get this party started.

Herein lies my next problem. The only one I can reach is my sister. Not that it is a bad thing. She has property and likely has ridden their John too.

 She tells me where the key is hidden in the house. 
Not sure why the key is hidden anyway! 
Gives me a quick tutorial on how to start, drive and "enjoy" this experience. 

Starting John was more challenging than starting my car but after a few attempts of it sputtering it started up. 

White knuckled from holding on tight was not the image I had in mind. I was picturing a leisurely ride in the county, smelling the steak and bread baking. 



I was far from the image of Daisy Duke looking all cute in my short cutoffs, crop top and cowboy hat. 
Because, why wouldn't you wear that trio to mow acreage in right?!

Apparently there is a Tortoise speed and a Jack Rabbit speed. My sister neglected to tell me this part.  

In Jack Rabbit speed John and I were gone in a green flash! 

Deciding I should only mow the level ground I was done in no time. The hills were going to have to be done by my dad. 
I could envision myself and my new fast friend John tumbling full speed down the steep incline.

My folks arrived shortly after, giving me plenty of time to come up with a good reason for only mowing the flat parts of the lawn. I can still hear my dad's laughter in recounting my terrifying experience on his mower. 

Instead of the blonde leading the blonde perhaps we would be better off leaving the heavy equipment operation to the men, or perhaps have a tutorial first!

I agreed to that!

Death rewrote the script

Usually by Thursday at 10 my weekly chores are completed and I'm well on my way to running errands.

Target, Costco, Nordstrom Rack and the mall...oh yea, and the grocery store too. Gotta remember to feed the locust! 

Many years ago our local mall had this yummy little restaurant called Muffin Break. We often would go there for a quick muffin and coffee before we started our errands.  

This had been my routine for about 10 years. Carbs and coffee...

Often my mom would meet me for these fun shopping days. 
Over the years we would have from 1-3 kiddos joining us, sometimes slowing us down and sometimes adding fun new things to my cart.
Grandma loved to instigate the random new toys that would mysteriously appear from under our pile of weekly needs.

Those were some of my favorite days. Fond memories learning about life from this experienced, wise woman while sipping and snacking.

My purpose in life at that season was to raise up these children and be a wife to the love of my life.

With my mom as my leader, mentor and best friend, she was readily available to guide and support me in the daily antics of getting my little family from point A to point B. 

As my kids grew however, my purpose grew too. 

Seasons changed, roles reversed. Embracing and rejecting this change simultaneously.

I was now taking my elderly parents to Target and Costco along with the many doctor appointments too. 
We enjoyed seeing the other mothers and daughters with their grand-babies doing as we did once.

My purchases went from buying diapers to Depends, from toothpaste to denture paste, from chewable vitamins to many prescriptions.

I loved this job, but knew it would be short lived.

Sometimes though, I would envy the middle aged mom who could zip in and out of the store without strollers or wheelchairs.

Seasons changed again and I was now an orphan. 
The middle aged mom without anything holding me back.  

I had to admit, I selfishly felt an odd sense of freedom running for a quick item one day, no wheelchairs or strollers. 
(The strollers are a distant memory. The wheelchair was sometimes one of those motorized carts, that part was super fun!)

Often looking for the silver lining and decidedly embracing that middle aged mom I now am, I could dash in and out with nothing to slow me down.

As I entered the store though, time stood still, as if in slow motion. 

Around nearly every corner I was met with older women with their daughters and her small children. They were shopping, laughing or lunching and looked as if they loved every minute of it. Just as I once did with my mom.

Quietly my heart ached and my eyes stung as I remembered those precious days.

Around another corner I caught sight of a sweet elderly couple being assisted by their daughter I assumed . 

I remembered those days and wished for a moment to go back in time.

I moved on, found my items and went to my car. I never wanted or chose for any of my jobs to end, but they did. 

Children grow up and parents die.

God is preparing me for a new purpose that is yet to come. When I get to become the older mom with one of my daughters and her babies, running errands on Thursdays. 
Laughing, lunching and becoming her mentor, leader and friend.

You bought what at a garage sale?

One summer day while driving to my folks house I saw a garage sale sign. 
My folks were gone on vacation and not expecting me so the kids and I decided to take a slight detour...this could be a fun adventure!

Driving...driving...driving...finally we spot another sign.

After about ten more minutes of driving I start to feel that we have had the classic bait and switch that happens with garage sales.

Deciding that we had been duped I found a good long driveway to turn around in. While pulling in to turn around we realized, we were at the garage sale! 
The final sign was being hidden by a big truck/trailer combo rig.

Sadly it was a couple of tables set up in a horse pasture. No garage sale, no driveway sale, no barn sale....this was a field sale! 
I had never heard of a field sale. 
Their signs said "good stuff", I was hard pressed to find anything good.

Feeling more annoyed than I should I saw a small handwritten sign on the table that read "horse for sale". 

Deciding to make this miserable waste of gas worth the trip I thought I would at least ask about the horse. There's no harm in asking right! Smelling that sweet horse smell could turn this mood around for me!

Really, who sells a horse at a garage sale? But really, the more appropriate question however is, who buys a horse at a garage sale?! 

They proceed to parade this beautiful well trained studly horse out for me to see. 
He had the most beautiful buckskin coat that was so shinny you almost needed sunglasses.

We gazed into each others big chocolate eyes. 
He was begging me to take him home, right then and there.
Rescue me he pleaded, this is such a strange home for me to be in. 
They have bobcats as pets! I need you! 

Thoroughly enjoying my Mr.Ed moment.

Logic though quickly flooded my brain....wait, what, a horse! 

Where would I keep him? 
Do I have time for this? 
What would my husband say? 
How much is he?

They offered to let me ride him you know, just to see if we were a good fit.There's no harm in just taking a quick ride, right? Fully believing just getting the horse smell would satisfy my horse longing, I hopped up on his back.

Leaving my children watching with wide eyes at the wonder of possibly taking home the biggest bestest treasure ever from a garage sale.

While on his back I had another Mr.Ed moment.

I am such a smooth ride...I know voice commands....I am polite and will obey your every command...I have only a few issues but with your TLC  you and I can be BFF's ....

Calling my husband I told him that I was at a garage sale and that I needed him to bring a horse trailer.  

Sighing through his words he said, so you bought a horse? Not like a figurine but a live, breathing animal? 

Yes....I replied....if its ok with you.....

Where do I get a horse trailer?

My parents have a farm and were delighted to come home from vacation to find Mr.Ed in the pasture.

My dad and I have had horses together for well over 20 years. 
My mom knew the many days I would spend training my kids and caring for our new treasure.

I had many fun years with that garage sale find.
I gained a deeper respect for my parents and their willingness to assist me with yet another dream.
I found patience that I didn't realize I needed to teach my children the ups and downs of riding.
I gained insight about budgeting for the long term care of Mr.Ed.
And my husband, I already had a plethora of qualities that I adore about him, but the unselfish act of indulging me with the luxury of Mr.Ed....my cup overflows with admiration and love for him.